Movie Critic Monday – Sleeping Beauty


Sleeping Beauty

This movie pisses me off. an evil witch puts a spell on a princess that if she pricks her finger on a spinning wheel, she will be put under a sleeping spell. Okay first, what a stupid fucking spell to cast on anyone. Second, She has until shes 16 to avoid spinning wheels. Thirdly, her parents send her out into the middle of the goddamned woods instead of just telling her to stay away from spinning wheels. Fourth, she pricks her goddamn finger anyway because she meets a stupid guy. Then she falls asleep until her “true love” kisses her. Bullshit

The real story of Sleeping Beauty is much more dark and creepy as hell. The king and queen couldn’t conceive a child, and so a frog came out of nowhere and granted the queens wish to have a child. They had a beautiful daughter and decided to celebrate. They only had room for 12 of the 13 “wise women”. the 12 who were invited granted Sleeping Beauty (Aurora, Briar Rose.. whatever) with wisdom, and beauty, and blah blah blah. Then the 13th wise woman showed up and cast the curse on the princess. Then, one day after the princess turns 15 the king and queen were gone, so like any 15 year old would, she started to explore more of the castle. She found a room where an old lady was spinning. She decided she wanted to try and surprise surprise, she pricks her finger..

Now, one version of this story says that the king raped her while she was sleeping and she woke up from labor pains and had twins. Another version says that everyone in the castle fell asleep, and briar hedges grew over the castle and no one could get in until the prince basically said fuck it, and destroyed the hedges, kissed the princess, and lived happily ever after.

My favorite version is the Disney one because the evil queen turns into a dragon, and who doesn’t like dragons. seriously.




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